Fucking Haggis Flavoured Potato Chips
Damn the camera on this thing sucks.
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Vet
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VetBarret
Not sure where that meat is from but it sounds delicious.https://i.imgur.com/uFRxZYt.jpg
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Barret
Once in a while, you might stumble over certain bars. There will be a dark corner somewhere, maybe hidden behind the fridge and a hundred boxes of empty bottles. Mostly soda water for some reason.The darkness will be too strong for any kind of light to enter, like a dark hole. If you throw a rock in there, it simply bounces back at you.
In the outer edges of the darkness, you can glimpse the faint shape of something, something massive, a monster, a hulking blob of grease and fat, a she-beast.
The she-beast is eating something, always eating. If you listen closely between the broken speakered Thai music, you can hear the pain of a thousand souls being slowly digested.
Now I know where those soi dogs went.
It wears gigantic shirts that doubles as a skirt. They have some "funny" slogans or puns on it, no one actually knows what they mean, Woody would surely appreciate them.
Unlike its slimmer counterparts, the colossus doesn't speak a word of English. Once in a while, the creature will make some sounds, it doesn't even sound like Thai, but the Thai ladies knows what it means, and swiftly brings it more food.
Once in a blue moon, some unfortunate falang will make the mistake of winning too much in pool, and this is where the wildebeast's function becomes clear. She is there to beat down any falang stupid enough to think he's OK at pool. The number one bar pool champion.
BANG BE DAI (or something to that effect) is yelled (Barret be dead?). The beast awakens. It is moving. The honor of the Thai people is now at stake.
Lumbering towards you, she challenges you to a game. It would be impolite to decline. Real impolite. She's as fat as she is skilled, and it leaves little room for you to move.
Today I slayed the beast. I won 2-1, so now I'm basically a god! BOW BEFORE ME YOU CRETINS. You wish you were this mighty, powerful, and also handsome.
I'm somehow gaining weight at an alarming rate, 5 kilos in the last 2 hours. Its starting to get dark in here, I can hardly see. G...g-guys?
VetBarret
False alarm, turns out it was just a regular crazy cat lady.On the other hand, I'm genuinely worried that I've been banging a literally retarded person.
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Barret
So I moved into this new condo, which despite being much older and cheaper then my previous one, is bigger and has nicer furniture, and is closer to the beach, which I like.However! Bad shit keeps happening to me. Like I keep electrocuting myself while cooking in the kitchen which is outside, Thai style. The floor is always wet due to the AC outlet dripping, and when I touch the stove I get a jolt. lelz.
Apparently its leaking water downstairs as well, from inside the concrete, so now I have stay in the room while they try to repair it. The Russian downstairs believe that water from the AC eroding the concrete will make the entire building fall down.
Worse still.... I just went to the bathroom. I was leaning slightly sideways to wipe my asshole, and the fucking toilet bloody started tipping over. Managed to balance it back before it was too late but fuck me the entire thing came loose and water started spilling out on the floor.
So now I had to turn off the water supply and I'm just sitting here waiting for the landlord to maybe show up....
TL:DR - I BROKE THE FUCKING TOILET.
VetBarret
The smell from that loose toilet man. Gives me PTSD flashbacks to that cheap smelly room from last year.The russian guy that owns the room is good though, fixes most things in a day, took the broken toilet like a sport.
VetTigeriger
Hahaa, The Barret diaries. You need to travel south east Asia reviewing rooms. Could be a nice earner.
VetFredGspotSanford
If Fatmo comes to visit that building is gonna look like some ragheads flew 2 planes into it.
VetBarret
Update, toilet was lifted away and cement was put around the "the hole". Not sure what I was expecting, a tube or pipe or something. While the cement is drying I'm going 1 day without a bathroom. Challenging.Went downstairs to do some laundry and I'm already covered in sweat, and I need to take a poopoo.
This will probably happen 3 times before its actually fixed, as is the norm.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Besides the shit smell coming from the hole in Barrett's bathroom, of course.
VetBarret
As suspected, after waiting 24 hours without a bathroom so the "cement" could dry, I slightly touched the toilet and it was still loose on the floor. They have to "fix" it 3 times so they can get paid 3 times. Thai people really are fucking mongs.Joke is on them, I don't give a shit anymore, not paying for that again, I don't care if the toilet breaks or falls over, not my "pwobwem".
Used the swimming pool shower yesterday, oddly enough the pool closes at 18:30, but they lock the showers (with my stuff inside) at 17:00. Fucking Thailand.
I'm gonna go out and fuck some bitch extra hard tonight.
VetBarret
Thinking about just carrying the toilet down to reception, and just shitting in the hole like a real native.
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Noob
FlashGordon fucks himself
This would be perfect for you burnoutyouhttps://youtu.be/IK0LluUApwg
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FlashGordon fucks himself
That's funny, I was just thinking a bullet between your eyeballs would look even better on you.
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Barret
Was feeling a little lazy today, so decided to order takeaway. I invited this "lady" I was talking to online to come visit, which she was into, and was on her way instantly.2 hours later...
She arrived. I completely forgot the rule I set for myself, to ask for a fresh picture showing body before letting anything visit. Of course she looked nothing like the picture. The big nice tits were not even silicone, but some fake bra crap with hella-stuffing.
But she was here, and I don't like letting a meal go to waste, she looked alright, "I can do this" I said to myself. She undressed, revealing her inverted pepperoni tits.
"Naturale."
Yeah thanks... what else would it be.
Now I never got the joke on Always Sunny In Philadelphia, with the chick with the dead tooth that smells, like how bad can a tooth smell? I was soon to find out.
Not only was one of her teeth dead, it looked like her entire mouth was dead, her gums were a dark blue, almost black color. How is this even possible? I thought to myself.
"You don't look much like your pictures" I said. "Yeah falang say I look better in real life". Wtf, am I being pranked right now?
I started to notice the smell at this point. Oh god did I start to notice. I grabbed my small pack of fisherman's friends breathmints by my bed and ate one. "You want one? I think good for you" I SUBTLY suggested.
The fell was so foul that I starting feeling noxious. I went to the bathroom to take a quick piss and get a whiff of fresh toilet air. When I came back to my room, the smell had actually filled the entire room (36m2 big bedroom/kitchen/living room in one), holy fuck.
So I did the only thing a real man of good taste would do. Gave her a quick lesson in dental hygiene, then powered through the stench and quickly fucked her twice in the butthole (the second time hard with no extra lube), gave her some taxi money and sent her on her way early.
She showed me some pictures of her Finnish boyfriend in between fucks, I hope they are happy together.
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Barret
Just got home from walking 13 kilometers in the middle of the night. Don't even have an unfunny story, just wanted to brag. Feet aren't even that broken this time, must be getting hardened.I guess its kind of funny that I had the shits this morning, while I was walking, a small afterquake wanted to come out, and I couldn't find a toilet with water and paper anywhere. Ended up having to stop at a strip bar I know for an expensive shit and grope. They didn't even have paper but I didn't give a fuck anymore.
VetBarret
How did you know? lolThat spinach and cheese sandwich and 2 ice coffees didn't help, can feel a third wave coming on.
I spoke too soon about the feet being ok, got friction burns in my lovely thigh gap.
Somehow I'm not loosing weight, my blood pressure and blood sugar is still out of control, and the Thai doctor I saw was a fake and didn't know anything.
I'm probably going to die in this shithole. I want everyone to know that when I do, its because the corrupt Thais want us to die or go away.
Discriminating against foreigners in Thailand is not only legal, its REQUIRED BY LAW.
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Barret
Barret Becomes A Sex Offender :https://i.imgur.com/AEqntkx.jpg
The other day I was checking out a new mall in the area, called Terminal 21, its a mall disguised as an airport, its kind of cool, lots of speciality shops.
Now every floor and area is themed after certain countries, like one section is Paris, one is London, Tokyo. I was checking out the Italy section I think, when I noticed a slim hallway and some pizzeria signs. "Cool, an Italian style pizzeria? I gotta check that out".
I walked down the hallway, it was filled with at least a dozen various pizzeria style signs, pizza artwork on the walls, it looked cool so far. I turned around the corner and there were 2 doors, didn't think much of it and simply walked into the first one to see what wonderful sights were hidden beyond.
What I saw was a fairly long room with yet another corner at the back, another passage to get to the Pizzeria? There were so many mirrors, and a ton of ladies standing around, seemingly doing nothing, some were fixing their makeup, tapping on their phones.
"Wow, people sure love to hang out here", I thought to myself while walking further into the pizzeria.
Some of the ladies were giving me looks. That's OK, I'm a "Handsome Man" in Thailand, I'm used to that. One in particular approached me with a distressed expression on her face. as she said "no, this for lady". I realized I had made a terrible mistake, I had walked into the ladies bathroom.
There never was a Pizzeria, it was all a trap, I had been lied to. After she followed me out of the bathroom I saw the tiny pink toilet sign on the wall, and the blue one next to the other door.
It all happened so fast, I spent a total of maybe 5 seconds in there, a couple of more seconds and I would have noticed for sure. I walk around fast and wasn't paying that much attention to the right things I guess, and the doors to the bathrooms didn't actually have doors on them, they were just open frames, and so many people were coming and going, it seemed so natural to just wander in that door.
Guess I'm lucky no one got upset and called the cops or mall security, I imagine I could have gotten in serious trouble if it had been a different place.
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Barret
I used to put some blue alcohol crap on it, but it burned so damn much, so now i use some brown sauce called Betadine HR. I wonder if that is the same thing (iodine)?
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Yeah pretty much... In all seriousness now though you might have contracted some sort of parasite. I'd see a doc asap.
VetBarret
What makes you think I have a parasite? It wouldn't surprise me really. The wound has been healing and reopened so many times, and there's a lot of raining/flooding here lately, I walk around in dirty water everywhere. Got pricked through my sandals by some pointy thorns a few times.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Because certain parasites thrive in nasty waters at certain temps... And you've been prancing around so much trying lure a tranny that you forgot to wear shoes haha. All bullshit aside though that's why I think it could be a parasite. Lol
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Its some kind of infection though. On a broader spectrum of things
VetBarret
You're actually making me nervous here. My buddies have told a lot of stories about falang getting infections from minor cuts and the flood water, I've been walking around with tons of them for days now. Goddamn maybe I should be more careful about the walking.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Hey they get in any way they can. There's even a brain eating amoeba that you can get, and be dead in hours. Just don't go dunking your head under any water around there, that's sure.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
You do know that you can contract ringworm or pinworms just by stepping in dog or cat shit, in that order.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
I was trolling with the iodine solution though, but you already did it and felt the burn. In the meantime bro soak your feet in an Epsom Salt solution while you wait to see the doc.
ZuckerJordanSimms
Betadine is the brown shit they swabs on you right before they go in with the scalpel for surgery. It will kill anything it touches. I'd say if you have no redness or swelling you are getting callouses from all the walking, but all the water is keeping them soft and the skin is tearing away. Could be fungus just from all the wetness. Try to keep your feet dry for a while.
ZuckerJordanSimms
Oh, and please no more dead tooth whore stories. I sat next to a couple at a bar Saturday night and the dude definitely had a dead tooth or something. Nowhere else to sit so we had to leave. Another couple sitting on their other side followed us out. Didn't speak but the dude looked and me and shook his head. Dead tooth's drunk wife was all over him, in his face. She was hot AFGo figure, he must have a robocock she cant do without to fight her way through that cloud. Me and the wife almost barfed on the way to the car. I couldnt get the images from your story out of my head. I must have been cursing you because the wife asked asked who the fuck is Barrett?
Vettruckerhatjones the Golden
a story to make my spit thick like i'm gonna puke but also made me smile
VetBarret
Finally one of my stories had a step-son. Yeah like I said, my tooth cunt had a boyfriend as well, maybe they get used to it or have some necrophiliac fetish.
VetBarret
Flash I think uncooked pork is a source of deadly parasite things in this area, and people die, luckily they always chop that shit into tiny pieces for whatever meal I order, so I'm probably safe.The iodine actually seems to work and doesn't burn much compared to that blue alcohol shit. However I keep getting new blisters and the old ones hurt worse and worse when I walk, so guess I gotta take it easy for a few days, just bang in my room or something.
Wait how was asking me to take good care of my foot trolling? I'll never trust you again!
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Lol. I really think that iodine is a bit overkill and not really the right thing to use since it is used as a topical prep before surgery. Kills bacteria dead though, at least.Sounds line the local natives are sorting themselves out with the pork thing. Especially those idiots who drink pigs blood. Let 'em fall like dominoes.
VetBarret
Isn't there a vid here of some guy eating the Pigs blood and bull shit special?Nah I don't think anything is overkill when it comes to sterilizing all the gunk I get on me. You got me nervous because the last thing I wanna do is go to some shit thai hospital or fake doctor (again), they don't know shit and just wanna find stuff to charge you for.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
I'd think if you started losing weight or your guts were more pissed than usual later on then you might have a problem with a parasite but nah I wouldn't trip about it.I cringed the whole way through that video. Bleh
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Who knows it could even be the start of gangrene but what do I know
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
I have a lady friend who studied at King's College in London I'll ask her.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Of which? That I have a nurse friend who studied there? I don't need your acceptance.
ZuckerDrGiggles
read my comment again you fucking pudding... you having a lady friend is clearly bollocks
ZuckerOster
Do you not believe it because you dont have lady friends? Also who wants to reread any of your comments. Its literal mind waste.
ZuckerOster
Also, giggles. Im doing fine. Shaved off my beard, now i look like joe rogan if he was gay.
ZuckerDrGiggles
if you reread some of my comments you might understand them for once and not act like a couple of pricks.
ZuckerOster
Well in jujitsu its pretty lame when someone holds you down because their hand is on your beard. Bitch got me.
VetBarret
The gangrene thing. Its another worry that my feet heal slowly, probably because of the diabetes. Mosquito bites takes months to heal, so I worry those big chunks of missing skin is going to take a while, we'll see. Don't even know if its the diabetes that makes my legs heal slowly or not, just guessing. I even get weird bumps when I walk, sometimes they hurt sometimes no.Probably just the parasites moving around eh? sadlol.
ZuckerJordanSimms
Blood sugar is monitored more closely than ever in surgery recovery. Regulating the blood sugar actually lowers complications and heals recovery. No source other than my recovery from surgery and the docs and nurses telling me why they kept checking me.
VetBarret
https://i.imgur.com/oqxG8jB.jpgFuck is going on now? I feel like my foot is being very creative in finding new ways to annoy me. inb4 flash : footcancer.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Does it hurt or burn in any way?User:Flashgordon admires Barrett's foot
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Looks fucking nasty man.... Antibiotics and triple antibiotic ointment... Soak in Epsom salt solution in a small tub in the meantime.
VetBarret
Lol fuckers. Yes it does hurt when walking. I just walk until its numb then walk some more. As long as you keep walking its not so bad.
NoobFlashGordon fucks himself
Dude when you have to amputate it film and stream it live on Twitch
